From Self-Doubt to Spiritual Freedom: My Journey Beyond Religious Conditioning

In January, I created a series of videos called “Uncovering Hidden Spiritual Truths.” It’s just me on my couch sharing hidden truths about Christianity that forever changed my life.  Creating these videos wasn’t hard because I knew that if I wanted I never had to share them and in all honesty I can still take them down. But when I think about not sharing these videos, I feel sadness and grief in my heart. A pain for my younger self who maybe, just maybe if she knew the truth about the development of Christianity that she wouldn’t have, and still do, struggle with self-worth, with deserving to be loved, with codependency (more on this later).  I’ve though deeply about how these videos may come across – as a woman who does not love Jesus, or who is going against Christianity – neither of which are true. I have thought how I can be ridiculed and lose friends. All of which I have felt deeply in my heart and still know I must share the findings. And at the end of the day, it’s not about me.  It’s for all the women out there who have anxiety wondering if they will ever be good enough. The women who overwork or live in a constant state of stress or burnout proving themselves as a partner, daughter, mother, sister, friend, employee/business owner — as a woman.  For the girls and women who have wondered what it would take to finally feel worthy of love or if that’s even possible. For the women thinking about leaving their religion or have recently left and feel freedom but also fear. It’s for the women who have doubted or still doubt themselves or their intuition to fall in line with a religion that doesn’t seem to align with the love that Jesus taught about.   It’s for my daughters because once I got the courage to leave the church in 2018 and start healing all aspects of my life I became a better mom. A mom I only wished at one point I could be – one without all the anger – the shortness, the yelling, the silence. Because for the first time in my life I started to feel like me, without the confines of who I had to be.  Maybe you have felt some of what I have shared, or maybe nothing, or maybe I’m writing your story. Either way, I know the fear that comes with questioning if I will ever be good enough and the fear that lingers when leaving a religion. And I’m not saying that’s your story – but it’s mine. And if it can help you in any way. It must be shared.  To me, reading books and looking on-line wasn’t enough to ensure I understood the development of Christianity. I really needed to understand. So for many reasons, in 2023 I decided to get my Master’s. In my Master’s I study religion, capitalism, colonialism, and the patriarchy in its many forms and the impacts it has on women, gender, spirituality, and social justice. In one of my class finals I wrote an extensively research paper on the development of Christianity and its impacts on women. Instead of just posting the paper, I decided to make it more personal and I created a five video series sharing the findings. Note: the findings can feel shocking if you have not studied the origins of Christianity. This series of videos entails research backed, academic based Master’s level findings.  In this video, I share my personal experiences of healing, uncovering spiritual truths, and the transformative power of a deeper relationship with God – a God not confined to or by religion.  If you’re happy with where you are on your spiritual journey don’t watch. But if you’re the least bit curious click below. 🙂